An Afternoon Elegy in Free-form
I lay in bed listening
to the water run
through the pipes
between the walls
while you showered.
After a silence,
I strode out of the bedroom
and was stopped in my tracks
at the sight of you.
On the Salvation Army gold couch
white towel, whiter skin, hair slicked
and your face
which did not turn
arrested my step
The unnatural aura
lit that corner
from the palette of sofa and skin
And your face
Post-coital, post-crying
was focused on something
beyond my realm
reluctantly I withdrew
to the shower
I brought my towel
and your face
And when I emerged
the change in you
was complete.
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I was trying to envision each line but had a little difficulty with trying to understand some lines. For example:white towel,whiter skin
ReplyDeleteif you could make it a better transition it would be great. You could try: white towel, your skin even whiter. Other than that is was a nice poem!
I agree with Sana's comment. That was the only part that could use some tweaking. The poem flows well and it's eloquent. Solid job!
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